Until Then

I was asking Carlo what he did with the stairs in the Penthouse plate but he walked away at mid – sentence. Luigi was all like “awww” while rubbing my back as I theatrically reached out to him while mouthing “come baaack.”

And he did. It turns out that he walked away to get his plate back and show me that he has separated the stairs from the penthouse unit.

That is what’s happening right now, in a much more poignant manner. That plate is my happiness. And even though it may be taking its unprecedented leave right now, I know it will come back as soon as I am ready to ground my delight upon myself and not on other people.

I won’t be bitter. I won’t try to deal the same damage they’ve inflicted upon me. I won’t let it get the best of me. I won’t even bother keeping up charades because I’m dead set on handling this pain my way.

I’ll be fine. And when I’m back, I’ll be revving at full throttle, ready to kick ass again.


All in Due Time

While we were lounging around the Arki Admin courtyard in our attempt to discuss our entry for the Build Forward competition, a fifth year fanatically called out to Kuya Joey and said, “Kuya Joey, gagraduate na ako!”

To say that it was a heart – warming scene would do him injustice. Hell, I can’t even narrate the scene with considerable impact. But words alone probably won’t suffice in expressing his relief and euphoria in being that close to finishing his baccalaureate degree.

I, too, want a “Kuya Joey, gagraduate na ako” moment. But earning that fleeting moment of glory would take time. And it’s time I’ve got plenty of, in my disposal.


On Leagues or Something Like That

He’s clearly out of my league. And I’d be lying if I’ll say that I’m not, in any way, intimidated. But I won’t aim lower just because it’s easier or more convenient or less painful. I’ll reach higher so that one day, I’ll be able to stand as his equal.

Si Kuya Emman

May problema pala si Kuya Emman.

Itatanong ko sana kung paano namin malalaman kung hindi naman siya nagsasabi. Pero bakit nga naman siya magsasabi sa amin kung isa kami sa mga nagpapabigat ng problema niya? Dapat pa nga kaming magpasalamat kasi nagsabi si Kat kasi sa totoo lang, akala ko okay lang ang lahat.

Ewan. Masyado siguro akong nasanay sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin na bukas magpahayag ng saloobin nila. Nakalimutan ko nang maging sensitibo sa mga emosyong pilit tinatago ng iba. Yung mga tao pa namang hindi humihingi ng tulong ang tunay na nangangailangan nito. Napagtanto ko ring napakababaw pala ng nararamdaman ko. Marami pang mas importanteng bagay sa mundo at kakitiran ng utak ang isiping pag – ibig lamang ang nagpapaikot dito.

Sana hindi tumigil sa pagtuturo si Kuya Emman. Pero sa ngayon, wala akong ibang magawa kundi tapusin ang Construction plate namin.

Vodka Goggles

I want to drink. And no, I’m not talking about water, or milk, or coffee or any other non – alcoholic beverages you may have in mind.

I want to feel the warmth and faint stinging sensation of the vodka on my taste buds, through my throat and finally, down in my stomach. I’d let it wallow there, even for just a fraction of a second and watch the whole world in a dazed, slightly drugged perspective. I want to roll over stained bunk beds, to eat the corners off glossy magazines, and to throw cabbages and chocolate at people. I want to trip and crawl my way to the kitchen and wonder what got me there in the first place.

I want to silence the contradicting voices inside my head, to tame my demons, and to hear only the thumping sound inside my chest even just until the next hang over. I want to drink until my breathing becomes a bit labored, and my skin is flustered with the toil of my heart to keep pumping blood through constricted blood vessels.

I want to drink. But all I have is water, or milk, or coffee, and you in my mind.